A Dose of Bierce

While I’ve always been distressed by Ambrose Bierce’ spiritual void, I’ve been intrigued by much of his writing. (One of his tales already is included in my “Vintage Short Mystery Classics” series of e-booklets.) He unquestionably wrote with wisdom—when headed in certain directions, at any rate—and wit. As they say, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Hence it was I found myself reading just the other night from The Devil’s Dictionary (1911). For those of you who haven’t encountered the work, I’ve selected a few sample Bierce definitions for your edification.

AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

HUSBAND, n. One who, having dined, is charged with the care of the plate.

PRESENT, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

REPRESENTATIVE, n. In national politics, a member of the Lower House in this world, and without discernible hope of promotion in the next.

SELF-ESTEEM, n. An erroneous appraisement.

TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the Southern States the word is unknown. (See DAMNYANK.) [Note: Bierce was a Union officer in the Civil War.—deh]